


SPN Coda 15x04 - "Atomic Monsters"

by heylittleangel



Series: Supernatural Codas - Season 15 [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Benny deserved way better, Canon-Typical Violence, Cas also misses him, Dean Winchester Misses Castiel, Dean Winchester Prays to Castiel, Demon Sam Winchester, Emotional Hurt, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Hey, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Minor Benny Lafitte/Dean Winchester, as usual, bad ass Dean Winchester, i finally wrote Dean with someone else, like a lot, suffering!Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-01-30 09:03:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21425644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heylittleangel/pseuds/heylittleangel
Summary: Hey peeps! I know this coda is late but I'm having exams throughout the month and they areincrediblyhard and time-consuming, but I hope the wait was worth it. I really enjoyed writing it and I want to work more on that verse because I just love it. I have to thankbbc'cause she listened to me talking about it endlessly as usual.I hope you enjoy it! :)
Relationships: Benny Lafitte/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Supernatural Codas - Season 15 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1513883
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	SPN Coda 15x04 - "Atomic Monsters"

**Author's Note:**

> Hey peeps! I know this coda is late but I'm having exams throughout the month and they are _incredibly_ hard and time-consuming, but I hope the wait was worth it. I really enjoyed writing it and I want to work more on that verse because I just love it. I have to thank [ bbc ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/babybluecas) 'cause she listened to me talking about it endlessly as usual.__
> 
> __  
_I hope you enjoy it! :)_  


The smell of burnt flesh, gunpowder and blood filled Dean’s nostrils, strong enough to make bile raise up his throat. The emergency red lights of the bunker gave a gloomy feeling to what Dean considered home, nothing like what he was used to. The weight of the gun in his hands was foreign—Dean knew that it was the same one he had been using ever since he was sixteen, but it still felt different; heavier, somehow. Dean didn’t know what had happened there or why there were so many dead bodies on the floor, but that didn’t stop him from aiming and shooting at the two men running towards him, trusting his gut.

The first one fell to the ground, sparks coming out of his mouth as his skull lit up. _Demon_, Dean thought as shot the other one. _Awesome, just freakin’ awesome._ _At least the bullets are cool._

Before he could release the clip to check what the bullets were made of—though Dean had a feeling it was probably melted angel blades—, another man came to him, forcing Dean to dunk and roll away from him. Dean was shooting before he got to his feet, the body falling with a muffled thud against the ground. Dean looked around him to make sure no one else was coming his way before letting a deep breath out of his mouth. 

He started walking through the hallway silently, ears open for any movement around him. Dean kept his back glued to the wall to make sure no one would sneak up on him, head snapping from one side to the other as he walked, finger on the trigger and ready to shoot if needed. He could hear sounds of fighting echoing throughout the corridors, probably from all ends of the bunker. Dean's heart tightened for people he didn't know, fear and adrenaline coursing through his veins as he heard screams of pain and shots being fired, not knowing if the bodies falling were his friends or the enemy.

As Dean got closer to the end of the hallway, footsteps grew stronger, getting closer and closer to him. Dean prepared his aim, stopping just before where the wall finished, and waited for the person to show themselves. The man showed up with his own gun pointed towards Dean, expression softening as he recognized Dean, and lowered it. Dean sighed in relief as he lowered his own gun, waving the man to his other side. Giving one look across the corner, Dean saw there wasn't anyone coming so he turned to face the other hunter. 

Even though Dean didn't know who it was—his brain came up with the name Ian but it didn't give any light on where Dean met the guy—it was still important to know that he was alive; it made Dean feel less guilty about the others. As Dean tapped the guy’s shoulder with his finger and pointed him towards the other end of the hallway, he couldn't shake the feeling that it was a bad decision. But, before he could stop himself or the guy, Ian was already nodding and walking away, gun raised and footsteps light. Dean could only hope that, for once, his gut was wrong.

After watching Ian disappear, Dean turned the corner and walked quietly, paying attention to any sound that could be close to him. It still seemed like all of the fight was away from him until there was a gunshot in a room close to him. Dean immediately perked up, raising his gun and walking more carefully. He crossed the hallway until he was by the door, peeking cautiously to see who was there. He saw three bodies on the floor and one on top of a table, a pocket knife in their thigh.

They all seemed to be dead and Dean was about to walk away when he heard a cough and one of the men on the floor moved with a painful groan. Dean's heart shattered as he recognized him—Benny. He didn't even think before entering the room and quickly making his way towards Benny. He dropped to his knees by Benny's side, placing his gun by his side and raising his hand to cup Benny's cheek.

Benny half-smiled at him, head weighting on Dean's hand and blood dripping from a cut on his forehead. "Hey, chief."

Dean choked on a sob as he raised his other hand to check Benny for any injuries. "Benny, wh-what happened? Who did this to you?" 

Benny scoffed and coughed blood painfully, chest heaving. Dean’s hand found a wet spot under Benny’s vest, a deep wound right on top of his heart. Dean pressed his hand on it, making Benny hiss. “Sorry, Benny.You’re gonna be okay, alright? We’ve survived worse and it’s not a chest wound that’s gonna kill you, okay? It can’t be.” Dean tried to smile reassuringly and pulled Benny closer to him, keeping the pressure on Banny’s wound.

“No, I won’t, brother. We both know it.”

Dean shook his head, fighting back the tears that came into his eyes. Benny rested between his legs, back resting against Dean’s chest as Dean pressed the wound, still feeling the blood oozing out of it. Dean gulped down before pressing his lips against Benny’s forehead. “C’mon, man, you’re gonna be fine. We’ll take care of this, okay? I promise.”

Benny chuckled wetly, shivering in Dean’s embrace. “You should go, chief. There’s a still mission to finish and stayin’ here won’t do any good.”

“I’m not leaving you, Benny. We can take care of this, a wound won’t kill you. It _ can’t _.”

Dean held Benny as if his own life depended on it, nonsense words falling out of his mouth in an attempt to reassure Benny—and himself. He could feel as Benny got colder and colder underneath his arms, his breath losing its intensity and the blood flow slowing down. Dean still couldn’t believe what was right in front of him and he denied it as long as could. He rocked back and forth with Benny between his arms, the hot tears burning his cold skin, mixing with the sweat and the blood in his face. Dean stayed like that for as long as he could, keeping his eyes closed and just letting the words fall out of his mouth. He heard Benny telling him to go, saying that he was needed somewhere else, but Dean only shushed him and told him there was nowhere else he could be at the moment but there. Dean couldn’t leave even if he wanted to; he had already lost Benny without as much as a goodbye and he couldn’t do it again. This time, he would be there until the end, didn’t matter how much it hurt him. 

Dean only shook himself when there were more gunshots echoing throughout the bunker, closer to him than he would’ve liked. He could feel how cold Benny’s body was as he laid him on the floor carefully, closing Benny’s eyelids with a soft touch. Dean’s hand lingered on Benny’s cheek, cupping it and feeling the cold burn his fingers. A few more tears ran down his cheeks and Dean swallowed back a sob before placing a kiss on the corner of Benny’s mouth; something he hardly ever did when they were in purgatory and something Dean always craved. He softly brushed the strands of hair away from Benny’s face before standing up. Dean wiped the tears away and sniffled as he cocked his gun. 

“I’ll come back for you, Benny, I promise.”

He checked Banny one last time before walking away, forcing his legs to work and take him away from there—even though he wanted nothing more than to just hold Benny and never let go.

There was no one in the hallways as Dean got closer to the war room; no one besides the dead. Dean couldn’t recognize anyone but his heart hurt for each person that he knew it was a hunter. He still couldn’t understand why the bunker was like that, or how the hell Benny was alive and how he died from a chest wound, or why he had a beard, or why there were demons inside the bunker, but that didn’t stop Dean from feeling guilty for what the bunker became or for all the deaths that happened there; so he did what he had always done: he pushed all of those feelings down, burying them under layer upon layer of other feelings. He could always drown them in booze once he managed to get some—or as soon as he got out of whatever crazy dream that was.

Dean killed three more demons on his way, their bodies falling to the floor without a care as Dean walked past them. The first thing he saw when he got to the library was more bodies scattered around, some with gunshot wounds and others with what looked like broken necks. Dean did not have a good feeling about that, not at all. There weren’t many creatures that he knew that liked to kill their enemies like that and neither of them were what Dean wanted to go against. He was careful as he walked closer to the war room, keeping an eye out for anyone or any_thing_ that could sneak up on him. He tried to recognize the corpses on the floor, sighing guiltily in relief when he didn’t. There weren’t any sounds around him and Dean couldn’t hear any fights in the other ends of the bunker, but the hair on the back of his neck was still standing up and he had a feeling something bad was about to happen. 

As Dean took the last step to the war room, he recognized a figure close to the wall; he was dressed in combat clothes, with a lot of stains around it—Dean wasn’t sure if it was the man’s blood or others’ blood or both—, he had black hair and there was an angel blade close to him. _ Cas_, Dean thought as he ran towards him, dropping by his side.

Cas’s head snapped up when he heard Dean, eyes widen until he seemed to recognize him, sighing in relief and letting his head fall again. Dean helped him sit with his back on the wall, keeping one hand on Cas’s chest to keep him from falling forward.

“Cas, what the hell happened here? Why are there so many demons and people I don’t know?”

Cas’s expression was of confusion as he stared at Dean, wincing when he moved his left arm. Dean’s travelled down to see blood spreading through Cas’s clothes. “What do you mean what happened, Dean? We’re here on a mission, don’t you remember?”

Dean placed his hand on top of Cas’s wound—the same hand that was trying to stop Benny from bleeding out earlier, isn’t it ironic?—, applying pressure as Cas hissed. “What mission, Cas? I-I don’t even know what happened with me or you, or why Benny was here and died from a gunshot.”

Cas opened and closed his mouth a few times, staring at Dean with big, wide eyes. Dean could only think of the hurt that he saw the last time he looked at Cas’s eyes. He shook his head as Cas answered, “Dean, we’re here because—”

Footsteps cut Cas, making Dean raise his head and his gun, aiming at the tall figure that walked from behind the wall. It took Dean a few seconds to recognize him—Sam. Though not Dean’s Sam, no; that Sam had nothing to do with his brother, not the atmosphere that was created around him, the expressionless face he had, or the way the light hit his eyes and made them look darker than normal. Dean kept his aim at the _ thing _ with one hand, the other still on Cas’s wound. He positioned himself in front of Cas as much as he could to protect him from whatever the thing inside his brother was.

“Of him,” Cas finished in a small voice. “We’re here because of him.”

Sam—_ the thing _—smiled sickly. “Oh, Dean, haven’t you learned your lesson yet? No matter what you do, you’ll never be able to stop me.”

Dean swallowed the bile that raised up his throat, tightening his hold on the gun. “I don’t know what you are, but you’re gonna get out of him, _ now _.”

“_ What _ I am? Oh, Dean, there’s no one here but me. It’s a-a-a-all me.” Sam’s eyes turned black, his head tilting to the right as he stared right into Dean’s soul.

The gun almost fell from his hand but Dean fought to keep it still, not let any tremors shake his hand. He felt Cas’s hand on top of his but he kept his eyes on his brother, scared of letting him out of his sight. Sam’s eyes turned back to normal—or as normal as they could—and he smiled.

“It’s just your little brother, Dean, no one else. We’ve been over this countless times and you never had the gut to kill me. Is today gonna be it?”

Dean couldn’t speak even if his voice worked; he didn’t know _ what _ to say. He just stared at Sam, motionless aside from the pressure on Cas’s wound. He saw movement behind Sam and noticed another person walking. He recognized the hunter he ran into earlier and Dean already knew what it was going to happen; there wasn’t another way out but the one and it was Sam killing him. Ian walked with his gun pointed to Sam and Dean felt as Cas tensioned under his hand. Sam closed his eyes with a tired expression, sighing in exasperation. Sam tilted his head to the side and slightly tipped it down, Ian’s head snapping in a sickening way—Dean was able to hear the bones breaking in his neck. He closed his eyes at it, listening as Ian’s body fell to the floor and Cas’s breath getting caught in his throat.

He opened his eyes to see Sam looking at him with a sadistic expression on his face, tilting his head slightly as if he was trying to look behind Dean. “Castiel,” Sam said with a hint of amusement in his face. “Not doing so well, I presume?”

Cas opened his mouth to reply but was cut off as Sam waved his hand and blood started to pour out of his mouth. Dean’s gun fell to the floor with a metallic noise as he turned to Cas, hands on both sides of his face. “Cas, no!” 

Cas bent, coughing blood as Dean tried to get him to talk, holding his face. He could almost feel as Cas’s grace burned under Cas’s skin, electricity on the tip of Dean’s fingers. He didn’t even hear as Sam kept talking, worrying about nothing else that wasn’t Cas dying on his arms. Another person he loved dying under his watch that day, aside from all the others that also died because of him.

“Cas, don’t do this to me, please,” Dean pleaded, tears starting to fall through his eyes again.

Cas still raised his head as he coughed blood, eyes meeting Dean’s as the light started to disappear in them. He opened his mouth but no sound came from it. Dean pulled him to his chest, tightening his hold on him as he turned to face Sam again. “Sammy, please. _ Please _.”

Sam slightly lowered his head, eyes fixed on Dean as they turned black. Dean already knew what was coming and he knew there was no stopping it; there never was. He tightened his hold on Cas, knowing that at least neither of them was alone and started to close his eyes before another movement behind Sam caught his attention and he focused on it, seeing a tall figure, dressed in a yellow suit, lips as red as the blood in Dean’s hand, and sunglasses, covering her eyes. Dean’s last thought was that she seemed incredibly familiar before he felt his neck snap.

Dean practically jumped out of the bed and of his skin, inhaling a sharp breath as he widened his eyes. He could almost feel the bones on his neck getting back to place as if they had really broken. He looked around, panting as he recognized his own room, and then let himself fall back onto the bed as he tried to relax. Dean closed his eyes and ran his hand on his face, wondering what the hell was that dream about and who the fuck was that woman. Dean swore he knew her but couldn't put his finger from where.

Sighing, Dean rubbed his forehead as he processed the details of the dream; it certainly wasn't something that could happen to them now, not if Benny was there. Or Sam as a demon, because that couldn't happen, not again. And Cas…? Dean doubted Cas would come back and act that way with Dean after everything that happened; after everything Dean had said.

He tried to find some sense in his dream, anything that didn't sound insane, but there was nothing. Dean couldn't understand why Benny was there or why he died like that; he didn't recognize anyone aside from Sam, Cas and Benny, not even the familiar woman; he couldn't find a reason for why Sam was a demon—or at least possessed by one. Nothing about it made any sense.

His skin felt cold as he finally stood up, the sweat cooling and making him shiver. Dean wiped it off his forehead and looked around the room, gaze settling on the machete he used in purgatory hanging behind his bed.

Dean took it off, sitting again on the bed as he ran his fingers on it. It still had some dirty on because Dean was never able to completely clean it, but it was still the same. _ How could it change, anyway? _

Staring at it hurt more than Dean thought it could. It was just a machete but it represented so much more than _ just _ that; it reminded Dean of how much he learned in the year he spent in purgatory with Benny; how much he went through just because of Cas, because Dean couldn't even phantom the idea of leaving him behind.

_ What the fuck happened to me since then? _ Dean thought bitterly. _ I spent a year in that place looking for Cas, when he didn't even want to get out, and now I've said that he's the thing that always seems to be wrong? _

Dean closed his eyes as they started to burn with tears and his fingers closed tightly around the machete, almost at the point of hurting. Even with his eyes closed, the tears still ran down his cheeks as Dean's head fell forward, chin resting against his chest.

A sob made its way up his throat and Dean broke down. He let himself slip forward, sitting on the floor with bent knees, hugging them as he cried painfully. Dean cried like he hadn't done ever since Mary; like he hadn't _ let _ himself do. Not even after Cas left; Dean had just drowned himself and his feelings in booze, until he felt numb and his mind couldn't think straight anymore.

The machete slid down to the floor with a clank as Dean stretched himself to get his phone from the nightstand. He unlocked it and opened his contacts, scrolling down until he found Cas's name, with a heart by the side. Dean remembered how happy Cas was when Dean let him add it. _ "I like emoticons, Dean. And your name has a heart on my phone." _

Dean stared at Cas's name for a while, arguing with himself whether he should or shouldn't call Cas. He wasn't sure Cas would answer if he did but that didn't lessen Dean's will to hit the call button. He would be lying if he said he didn't miss Cas like crazy; he had barely slept and only felt like crap since then, and those last days had been hell.

But Dean knew it wasn't his place to call Cas and ask—more like beg—him to come back. Dean wouldn't deserve if Cas did and he would be crushed if Cas said no. Without calling, Dean could still live in denial about it and could pretend Cas would take him back; and if there was one thing that Dean definitely was, it was being president of denial land.

None of that stopped his finger from stopping on top of Cas's name, begging to be able to hit the button. Before Dean could actually do it, there was a noise somewhere in the bunker and that broke Dean's train of thought.

He sighed as he locked his phone and closed his eyes. _ Cas, if you can hear me _ , Dean thought sadly. _ If it's worth it, I'm sorry. I really am. I love you and I hope you're okay. _

Dean took a deep breath before putting the machete back in its place and wiping the tears away. He took the whiskey bottle in his phone's place and took a swing before walking out of his room.

~❤~❤~

Castiel's eyes opened suddenly, a cold sweat on his forehead and heart beating fast against his ribcage, Dean's broken voice inside his head, _ Cas, if you can hear me, if it's worth it, I'm sorry. I really am. I love you and I hope you're okay. _

The longing in Dean's voice made Castiel's heart ache and tears well up in his eyes. He closed them and rested against the seat, taking deep breaths as Dean's voice kept playing inside his head. It made Castiel want to get his phone and call Dean, but he knew he couldn't. He meant it when he said it was time for him to move on. Not just from Dean, but from what their relationship had begun to be. As much as it hurt both of them, Castiel didn't want to be with Dean while they could do nothing more than just fight. It was never what he wanted and he would rather walk away before it got too bad.

He still believed that maybe, just maybe, if they spent some time apart, it would do some good to both of them. Maybe they could go back to how they were after some time and after a talk. Castiel really believed in it because he _ had to _. He didn't know what he would do if he didn't.

Saving Dean's voice inside his head, Castiel sighed and opened his eyes, staring at the road ahead of him; a road that came from nowhere and led to nowhere as well, but one Castiel didn't have the courage to change. Mostly because he didn't have anywhere to go, so it didn't exactly matter anyway. He turned the engine on, sniffling before driving away, replaying Dean's prayer in his head like a mantra.

**Author's Note:**

> So, does anyone know who the familiar figure is? 👀
> 
> As always, you can find me on [ tumblr ](https://gii-heylittleangel.tumblr.com/)


End file.
